Battlefields, monuments, and drag queens – what do they all have in common?  You may not be able to find the common denominator, but your politicians have:  the fiscal year 2001 Interior Appropriations bills.  Read on to find out how they are connected.

• Vulcan Monument, Birmingham, Ala.: Never fear, Sen. Spock – no, Sen. Richard Shelby (R-Ala.) – is here!  Although Birmingham decided in 1999 that this monument to steelworkers did not require overhaul, the Senate appropriator earmarked $1.5 million for the monument in the final version of the bill.  Highly illogical.
• Museo de las Americas, Denver, Colo.: In March, the Denver Post noted that this museum had greatly boosted the commercial growth of Santa Fe Drive in downtown Denver.  To say thank you, the local entrepreneurs regularly attend black-tie fundraisers for the museum, appropriately raising local money for this very local project.  Nonetheless, Senate Appropriator Ben Nighthorse Campbell (R-Colo.) scored $110,000 for the museum.
• Maryland & Virginia Battlefields: House and Senate appropriators have managed to dig up $386,000 to repair a wall at Fort Washington Park in Maryland.  Another $1 million was secured for the Manassas Battlefield in Virginia.  Charge!
• National First Ladies Museum, Dayton, Ohio: No need for First Lady Hillary Clinton to sponsor White House overnights to raise money for this project, as Dayton has plenty of friends on the House Appropriations Committee.  Those friends were able to secure $500,000 for the museum, which frequently has a drag queen dress up as Helen Taft and give tours to senior citizens.
• Palace of the Governors, Santa Fe, N.M.: Senate Appropriator Pete Domenici (R-N.M.) cornered $10 million for additions to this museum, built in 1610.  This figure will be matched with funds from other sources.  The money will be used to show the glory of America by housing such artifacts as a clock that was shot down during Pancho Villa’s raid on the United States.
• National Conservation Training Center (NCTC), Shepherdstown, W. Va.: No appropriations bill would be complete without a dollop of pork from Senate Appropriations Committee Ranking Member Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.).  He earmarked $5.25 million for a new dormitory at NCTC.  This U.S. Fish and Wildlife Services facility is more like a resort, complete with a state-of-the-art workout facility, day-care services, and lodges complete with private fireplaces and living rooms.
• Palo Alto Battlefield, Brownsville, Tex.: This battlefield, whose superintendent claimed in 1999 that it didn’t have room to house a couple of Asian antelopes, because “they were not at the battlefield when the war was fought” has decided it has room for a new visitors’ center.  The battlefield apparently has Senate Appropriator Kay Bailey Hutchinson (R-Texas) on its side, as she secured almost $2 million for it.